Thomas Keller with the new kid on the block

it smells in my apartment and I'm tired of poker night that goes on till 1:45 in the morning. seems i'm grumpy towards many things these days. am i a new yorker now or just grumpasaurus rex? i'm the pushy person on the street now, get outta my way...

rain most of this week. guess it's better than hotter than hell.

new job has me on nervous. hard to start over and be the new person. i understand now why comfort is comfortable. i can look back and say i had it good. good comfortable and boring. inside i'm screaming "don't you know who i am and where i've come from?" nobody gives a shit.

of all people to come in for dinner tonight, thomas keller himself. i took it as symbolic, and after i asked him his name (duh) and he said the name is keller, and i said i'm mary ann... in my naivety. "Pleased to meet you." maybe he was amused?

i should really be pleased with how i've jumped into the "show" in such a short time and have experienced the epitome. i just want to complain and yearn, instead of having a good time. arg

Starting over and changing your life is scary. Finding motivation is scary. Separating yourself from the old comforts and norm is scary. The scariest thing is that I'm expecting someone to say to me that I can't do what I'm trying to do, like I ain't going to make it. Scary b/c that's MY voice in the back of my head sneaking in and trying to talk myself out of it.

new apartment coming soon